In Limbo

So grades are done with the exception of two potatoes who haven't gotten around to turning in their final papers.  So I await their final papers, sending them nagging emails reminding them that they'll flunk if the papers don't get turned in.  Not my fault - department policy.  I'd rather they just get them in so I don't have to deal with them anymore.  I just want this done and off my back.

Having everything else done and calculated and ready to enter means that I can shower and go buy myself some nail polish, which was the treat I promised myself for getting through the remains of the grading. 

Once the grades are in, it's done.  Like really, truly done done.  And I can find a job doing something else and hope that one day over the next couple of years my motivation to finish the dissertation returns in full enough force that I finish the stupid thing. 

I'm still not sad it's over, so I'm assuming at this point that I'm really not going to be.  Honestly, though, it's hard to feel much of anything.  I have NO idea at this point what's going to happen in my life over the next few months, no idea of what to expect, no real way to make plans.  Brownie had an interview with a college in BFE of this state and they called his references, who reported that and sounded as though college in BFE is really interested in him.  We haven't been to the town at all, so we're trying to keep an open mind, but the truth is that neither one of us is even slightly excited by this prospect.  The idea of packing up and moving back to KC instead sounds so much better, so much more likely to bring employment for both of us, but it doesn't sound definite enough for me to want to hope for it.  Not knowing what to think or what to hope for or what not to hope for so that I don't end up disappointed again has become an exercise in teeth-grinding. 

I guess what I do for the moment is go shower (finally, at 2:30), drag myself out to the bookstore to look at books on writing resume cover letters for a while, pick up my nail polish, grab stuff to make salmon/asparagus pasta for dinner, and then flop with a book or with my laptop and novel for a while.  Something to distract me from me.