A semi-farewell to teaching

I've been an antisocial flake the last few days.  It may have been the overkill from super-social Friday night out with the department followed by the Saturday of chili fest/Ben Folds concert/getting drunk with Brownie and department close friend followed by the Sunday hangover nursing and then dinner at the inlaws. 

Whatever it is, by the time I woke up hungover Sunday morning, I was pretty convinced I didn't want to see anyone other than my cats for the next week.  This is, of course, impossible, so I got up this morning after a scant 4 hours of sleep (including an hour of semi-consciously smacking the sleep alarm, resulting in my arrival on campus about ten minutes late).  Then I got to tutor more sessions than I've had this semester, all of which were people who were having problems brainstorming, and then I got to go babysit my class while they did peer evals for their final papers, which itself turned into tutoring-like sessions with my own students who also seemed incapable of brainstorming on their own.

I completely understand that people get writer's block and get stuck on what it is they're trying to say.  I wish that had been what my students/tutoring sessions wanted.  But they didn't want to be unstuck.  They didn't want to take the time to come up with their own ideas at all.  The worst was a reflection paper on a group project.  The girl came in and sat down with an assignment that asked her to write five pages about what her group did.  She had one page written and "nothing else to say."  She expected me to tell her what to write.  I'm not exaggerating, sadly: the words "I don't know what to write now so what do you think I should write" actually came out of her mouth.  So I sat, staring at her assignment sheet, asking her what they did for the group project, trying to come up with any question I could to give her something to think about.  But she didn't want my questions.  She wanted me to tell her exactly what she should put in each paragraph.

I am not going to miss this.

I do wonder if it will feel weird next fall when classes start and I'm not walking into one, gradebook and lesson plans in hand.  I can sit here and think about that, that I will never do this again, never teach again.  I feel like I should feel sad or strange or something about it.  Perhaps even relief.  At the moment, however, I feel nothing about it.  A blank. Is it because I still have to tutor that this hasn't hit yet?  Will it hit?