I wonder if they spelled it "adderall" to make sure that "ADD" was prominantly featured in the name of the drug.
(at 2:20) I've written this during the course of an afternoon. I took Adderall with lunch today to see if it helps me to get through the mountain of grading I've fallen behind on. Hopefully it works. I took it an hour ago. It's had time to kick in and I can tell that it has because I can feel the sort of light rushy feeling that it tends to give my body. However, I've made it through precisely three microthemes before deciding I should chronicle it and shifted to this instantaneously. Score 1 for the ADD, 0 for the Adderall.
(at 3:02) I've finished grading the last few microthemes, alphabetized and sorted through two stacks of microthemes so that I can hand them out more easily during class tomorrow, and graded 2 papers. I feel like I'm having a hard time writing with a pen - my brain wants to write faster than my hand is capable of moving and my handwriting is smaller than usual. I keep having to cross things out because I'm trying to go too quickly and end up missing letters. I'm wondering if it will be legible to anyone else. It's legible to me, but I'm used to my writing and know what I'm saying. However, I've gotten through those papers fairly quickly and didn't get distracted in the middle of each like I usually do. Score 1 for Adderall, I think. I'd like to be writing more clearly. Will try and focus on that as I keep going.
(at 4:04) I now have 7 papers graded and have just figured out that I have 3 papers on my email that I need to grade as well. However, I'm a third of the way through, so that's a bonus. That also means I've graded 5 papers in an hour. Dude. +5 or something for Adderall. Back to grading.
(at 5:04, which strikes me as funny as it's been precisely an hour) I've graded 11 papers and figured out dinner (which will be pizza and hopefully, if Brownie picks some up, some beer), which is a bonus because that means I don't have to deal with cooking or cleaning up afterward. I want a break, but I keep telling myself I should push through while this stuff is still in effect so that I can be done before Vampire Diaries tonight. Also, who on earth thinks it's appropriate to quote from THE BACK OF THE BOOK to support an argument about a text? Adderall 1, student 0 *headdesk*
(at 6:09) I'm tired and I wish I were done with this but I've got three more physical papers and three papers online that still need to be graded. I'm feeling braindead and tired of repeating the same things (i.e., explain your quote so I know what the hell you mean by quoting it, and try and have an actual thesis please). So it occurs to me that I've been doing this for four hours and am entitled to a break. At the same time I think well, I may as well keep going.
(at 6:46) I'm done with all the papers except for the ones I received via email, which I need to download so I can grade them later. However, that's 18 papers graded with substantial marginal and end commentary, plus the microthemes done and everything sorted and ready to hand back tomorrow.
Basically, I have to admit that the Adderall does help when I'm trying to get through piles of shit that I'd rather not deal with. It did help cut down on the mental chatter and relunctance to try and focus that usually makes grading take a good two or three hours longer than this particular set of papers has taken me. I'm really glad that Adderall is one of those "turn on, turn off" type medications rather than something that I need to let build in my system (like an antidepressant) - mostly I'm glad that I know the effects will wear off soonish and I'll be able to think a little more like myself. I'm too tunnel-vision like this to have anything interesting to say. But I had a productive afternoon. I'll be interesting some other time.
Showing posts with label ADD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ADD. Show all posts
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Cliches
At some point I will remember that going to Kansas to visit anyone for any reason whatsoever inevitably ends up being something along the lines of $600 once I get out there. Always. This time I went out for a wedding of a good friend. The wedding was great, the reception moreso: it basically functioned like a giant reunion for my old college crowd (the pictures of which are now on facebook). We're seriously getting old here - while I managed somehow to stay out on Friday night until 2 for the first time in so long I seriously can't remember, the reception went until about 10:30, a few of us went out and grabbed a quick snack after, and I was back at my parents by midnight. People, I am not even thirty yet. Sometimes I really miss college.
The oddest thing about the trip was Friday before I went out - everyone was in town by Friday dinnertime, so I was expecting a giant group of us to get together, have dinner and play. All of that fell through - I ended up only meeting up with one friend and his boyfriend at 9 or so - and so I found myself sitting around for most of Friday early evening online and chatting with my mom and basically feeling lonely and out of the loop. I'm used to feeling like that where I am now, just as I'm used to the fact that the vast majority of my social life atm is online, but it was a really weird feeling to have that happen back home, where I generally expect to be hugely busy all the time. Brownie wasn't out in KS with me either, which compounded the lonely feeling, and I'd failed to manage to get together with any of the friends that still live in the area because everyone was too busy and I was getting over a cold. It was like going home and being a stranger to everyone not in my family. Things got better once I got out late Friday and the wedding on Saturday was a blast, but I can't count the number of times I thought "I hate adulthood" while I was there. Anyway, even the lonely and isolated bit wasn't bad since it helped me figure out how to start bringing the NaNo novel to an end.
I know that all sounds like a giant "you can't go home again" or "growing up sucks" type thing, but I don't mean it to. I think part of why some of the lonely/isolated feelings were resonating so strongly with me was in how I remembered those feelings being a much more considerable part of my life in high school or college than they are now. Not to sound maudlin, but I don't think I ever fully felt at home when I actually lived there, so it shouldn't surprise me that I often don't feel at home there now.
So I got home Sunday night and was greeted with the coming of Monday's mail by the arrival of a BPAL order and some samples of CB I Hate Perfume scents from a lovely wonderful online friend. It's almost stupid how much new smellies make me happy. Also: I just discovered that a new Editors album came out last week, so I've now downloaded that. It sounds like the Editors spent six months drinking with Depeche Mode and then decided to record it. I'm generally in favor of this.
On the ADHD/dissertation front: I now have enough legal speed to keep me awake through 2011. I should take one and dissertate this afternoon but I just. don't. want. to. because burnout. so I'm contemplating grading instead, or perhaps being completely academically non-productive and spending the afternoon testing smellies, listening to the Editors and fleshing out the NaNo outline some more (i.e., figuring out town layouts and so on).
The oddest thing about the trip was Friday before I went out - everyone was in town by Friday dinnertime, so I was expecting a giant group of us to get together, have dinner and play. All of that fell through - I ended up only meeting up with one friend and his boyfriend at 9 or so - and so I found myself sitting around for most of Friday early evening online and chatting with my mom and basically feeling lonely and out of the loop. I'm used to feeling like that where I am now, just as I'm used to the fact that the vast majority of my social life atm is online, but it was a really weird feeling to have that happen back home, where I generally expect to be hugely busy all the time. Brownie wasn't out in KS with me either, which compounded the lonely feeling, and I'd failed to manage to get together with any of the friends that still live in the area because everyone was too busy and I was getting over a cold. It was like going home and being a stranger to everyone not in my family. Things got better once I got out late Friday and the wedding on Saturday was a blast, but I can't count the number of times I thought "I hate adulthood" while I was there. Anyway, even the lonely and isolated bit wasn't bad since it helped me figure out how to start bringing the NaNo novel to an end.
I know that all sounds like a giant "you can't go home again" or "growing up sucks" type thing, but I don't mean it to. I think part of why some of the lonely/isolated feelings were resonating so strongly with me was in how I remembered those feelings being a much more considerable part of my life in high school or college than they are now. Not to sound maudlin, but I don't think I ever fully felt at home when I actually lived there, so it shouldn't surprise me that I often don't feel at home there now.
So I got home Sunday night and was greeted with the coming of Monday's mail by the arrival of a BPAL order and some samples of CB I Hate Perfume scents from a lovely wonderful online friend. It's almost stupid how much new smellies make me happy. Also: I just discovered that a new Editors album came out last week, so I've now downloaded that. It sounds like the Editors spent six months drinking with Depeche Mode and then decided to record it. I'm generally in favor of this.
On the ADHD/dissertation front: I now have enough legal speed to keep me awake through 2011. I should take one and dissertate this afternoon but I just. don't. want. to. because burnout. so I'm contemplating grading instead, or perhaps being completely academically non-productive and spending the afternoon testing smellies, listening to the Editors and fleshing out the NaNo outline some more (i.e., figuring out town layouts and so on).
Thursday, October 8, 2009
WOAH FOCUS
The cat whose vomit I just cleaned up is now being MsCuddlecakes. It's sweet, I'm glad she's feeling better, but it's kinda gross all the same.
I tried the Adderall today. I ended up cutting the pill in half since I've never had anything like it before. I feel uncomfortably like flying, like my blood pressure is a little off or whatever, and like I'm breathing much deeper than usual. I've also:
1) gone through Brownie's writing sample for his job applications, which is 23 pages of an argument about Bacon and Donne and which I finally, for the first time, feel like I was paying enough attention to grasp fully and thus to comment effectively
2) written a letter of recommendation
3) given my class a huge list of paper topics
4) forgotten lunch because I was concentrating on the first task I mentioned, remembered lunch at 4 and finally ate
5) cleaned up cat puke :
6) worked on my NaNo outline
All of this since I got back from a meeting at about 1:15. My normal afternoon would have involved getting through about half of number one, giving it up as a bad job, forgetting about number two completely, waffled about even bothering with number three, would not have even begun to forget number four, would have done number five anyway because it needs to be done, and would have considered six but wouldn't have actually typed anything out. If it weren't starting to get dark out and if Brownie weren't on his way home with pizza, I'd be going on a run right now.
On the whole, I feel like my brain is working as fast as it usually does, but only on one track as opposed to having 6-10 going simultaneously. If the rest of me would settle down, I think I would like this stuff, at least on days when I have a ton that HAS to get done. Honestly, I prefer my crazy jumping-around butterfly brain - I'm comfortable with it and I feel like the random jumps and constant mental chatter make me more creative than I've felt like I've been today. I think the Adderall makes my brain work like other people think it should, rather than how it actually does. Like I've just been 'normalized' or something. I'll have to process that more later, I think.
Anyway, none of this should be construed as a "this drug is awesome go get some" type thing, and I feel like I should reiterate that I have this because I have a prescription for it and the diagnosis of the "disease?" "condition?" it "treats?" (maybe "affects").
It strikes me that I should write about the pros/cons of ADHD (as it affects me, anyway - there are different forms of adult ADHD and I can only talk about the experience I've had with mine). But that will have to wait until after pizza, which just arrived.
I tried the Adderall today. I ended up cutting the pill in half since I've never had anything like it before. I feel uncomfortably like flying, like my blood pressure is a little off or whatever, and like I'm breathing much deeper than usual. I've also:
1) gone through Brownie's writing sample for his job applications, which is 23 pages of an argument about Bacon and Donne and which I finally, for the first time, feel like I was paying enough attention to grasp fully and thus to comment effectively
2) written a letter of recommendation
3) given my class a huge list of paper topics
4) forgotten lunch because I was concentrating on the first task I mentioned, remembered lunch at 4 and finally ate
5) cleaned up cat puke :
6) worked on my NaNo outline
All of this since I got back from a meeting at about 1:15. My normal afternoon would have involved getting through about half of number one, giving it up as a bad job, forgetting about number two completely, waffled about even bothering with number three, would not have even begun to forget number four, would have done number five anyway because it needs to be done, and would have considered six but wouldn't have actually typed anything out. If it weren't starting to get dark out and if Brownie weren't on his way home with pizza, I'd be going on a run right now.
On the whole, I feel like my brain is working as fast as it usually does, but only on one track as opposed to having 6-10 going simultaneously. If the rest of me would settle down, I think I would like this stuff, at least on days when I have a ton that HAS to get done. Honestly, I prefer my crazy jumping-around butterfly brain - I'm comfortable with it and I feel like the random jumps and constant mental chatter make me more creative than I've felt like I've been today. I think the Adderall makes my brain work like other people think it should, rather than how it actually does. Like I've just been 'normalized' or something. I'll have to process that more later, I think.
Anyway, none of this should be construed as a "this drug is awesome go get some" type thing, and I feel like I should reiterate that I have this because I have a prescription for it and the diagnosis of the "disease?" "condition?" it "treats?" (maybe "affects").
It strikes me that I should write about the pros/cons of ADHD (as it affects me, anyway - there are different forms of adult ADHD and I can only talk about the experience I've had with mine). But that will have to wait until after pizza, which just arrived.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Compocalypse Averted
Thank FSM for tech support. University on a Hill's tech support was partially staffed during Fall Break, and so (again, thank FSM,) I have my lovely wonderful laptop back. Because my laptop borked itself, it's been renamed Beeker until I come up with something better. I didn't lose anything (thank FSMxinfinity) and am celebrating by going out tomorrow to pick up an external hard drive. Mom said she'd buy it for me so that I don't have to wait for payday. I love her for this even though it makes me feel like I'm 12. At almost-30, I feel like I should have the type of job where buying an external hard drive shouldn't have to be a "wait for payday" type thing because it really isn't that expensive. Realistically, it wouldn't probably be a big problem if I hadn't spent monies on the BPAL update Friday night, but whatever. It still would be.
I've figured out that I'm going to bookend my NaNo novel with obscure fairy tales - one as a prologue, one as an epilogue. I was going to work them into the novel itself but I think I prefer it this way. I thought this over in ridiculous quantities of detail while knitting during my computer-free weekend. I need to come up with a title, too, but that's probably going to be a near-end-of-project type thing - I SUCK at coming up with names. I either overcomplicate things or I try (and fail) to be witty.
Does anyone know if it's possible to do strikethrough writing on this thing? Bolding and italics aren't enough, and I don't know html well enough. I think I'll be googling later. (Sidenote: I love that "google" is a verb now.)
I now have an official prescription for Aderall. I'm scared of the stuff, to be honest, and not entirely convinced I'm going to fill it. Psychopharmaceuticals and I have a really mixed history. I may see if I can do a partial fill and test one before I commit to having it around. I think my problem is that my brain is already on spin cycle 24/7 - the concept of dumping speed in on top of it makes me vaguely nauseous. I also kind of feel like I should try it to see if it helps me focus enough to finish the stupid dissertation. I'll report on findings when I gutsy up enough to test the stuff.
Also, I just realized that I started every sentence in the paragraph before this one with "I." I'd fix it to make it sound better, but I'm tired, Keith Olbermann just started, and I suppose it's fine to leave the paragraph as testament to my solipsism.
I've figured out that I'm going to bookend my NaNo novel with obscure fairy tales - one as a prologue, one as an epilogue. I was going to work them into the novel itself but I think I prefer it this way. I thought this over in ridiculous quantities of detail while knitting during my computer-free weekend. I need to come up with a title, too, but that's probably going to be a near-end-of-project type thing - I SUCK at coming up with names. I either overcomplicate things or I try (and fail) to be witty.
Does anyone know if it's possible to do strikethrough writing on this thing? Bolding and italics aren't enough, and I don't know html well enough. I think I'll be googling later. (Sidenote: I love that "google" is a verb now.)
I now have an official prescription for Aderall. I'm scared of the stuff, to be honest, and not entirely convinced I'm going to fill it. Psychopharmaceuticals and I have a really mixed history. I may see if I can do a partial fill and test one before I commit to having it around. I think my problem is that my brain is already on spin cycle 24/7 - the concept of dumping speed in on top of it makes me vaguely nauseous. I also kind of feel like I should try it to see if it helps me focus enough to finish the stupid dissertation. I'll report on findings when I gutsy up enough to test the stuff.
Also, I just realized that I started every sentence in the paragraph before this one with "I." I'd fix it to make it sound better, but I'm tired, Keith Olbermann just started, and I suppose it's fine to leave the paragraph as testament to my solipsism.
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